Posts Tagged ‘toys’
Let’s see a show of hands. How many of you have kids that have a shitload of toys? Pieces & parts of toys? Toys from fast food places? From birthday party goodie bags? Halves of toys that have no match, rendering it useless?
My kids would pull stuff out of their toy boxes, cubbies and bins in search of a particular toy. They would then step on these pieces and parts in the dark of night on their way to the bathroom and howl – ever stepped on some of those Legos? Yowch!
A couple of years ago during a rainy stretch in June after school let out, I had had enough. I went on a tear and got the kids swept up in my let’s get rid of this nonsense fervor. They got to hold on to the toys they loved and played with the most, and we donated or properly disposed of the rest.
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
George Carlin.
My previous post “No box! No toy!” is the perfect lead into this next subject. Stuff. It fills our lives right up to the edge. Think about all the stuff you have. Especially as a parent. You have the stuff you need and then there is the rest of it. We are so guilty of it, and by we I mean me and my husband. We aren’t the type to just shop and fill our spaces, but when you have children, friends & family stuff just flows your way. We have a house filled with stuff and we have a barn filled with stuff. Stuff we need and stuff we don’t. But we have gotten better about weeding through it all over the past few years, whittling it down. Making donations twice a year. But it can take over your life if you let it.
Like many of you out there, there is the stuff you have been dragging with you since you left college. Then you get married, and your stuff gets married. Then your parents upgrade their stuff and pass on their old stuff to you, which might be a hair nicer than what you had, so you take it. Then you start to run out of room and you either gotta give stuff away or buy a bigger house.
We bought a big and very old – 1860′s Victorian – house on an acre when we were 29, in 1999, because the thought was we would never buy again. (My husband actually factored in how much we would save by NOT having to move, say, 3 more times, into the cost of this home to convince me to take the plunge) And that still holds true. We are here to stay. Now that we have kids, it fits perfectly. But it seemed so empty in the beginning, not alot of stuff, and I loved that. But parents and family want to buy you housewarming gifts. Grandparents move on to assisted living and leave you furniture, paintings, more dishes. But you keep it under control.
And then comes the kids. There is no more control. We had three different strollers for our first, born the summer of 2001. Three! My husband and I had gotten used to living in a streamlined, clean, uncluttered home for two years before Sophie. By the time she was one I was getting a little frantic. The first grandchild and great-grandchild, of course she is going to get a slew of her own stuff. But now I have to try and keep it in check along with my stuff. I kept it together…until…
Max was born in early 2004. Then it all fell apart. I couldn’t keep it together having to breast feed all night my ravenous baby boy, as well as deal with a toddler suffering from sleep apnea. Turned out Sophie had seriously enlarged adenoids and tonsils which would result in breathing problems, thus keeping her from sleeping. She would wake up repeatedly throughout the night until we found out what the problem was and got them removed when she was 3 1/2. And I thought it was just bad parenting skills!
So we got even more stuff. It is in the grandparent, friend and family DNA to give a child a gift. And even when you try and explain that you don’t need so much, they don’t always understand what the big fat deal is. Our parents just threw everything in the garbage when they were done with it. I don’t know anybody who donated anything when I was growing up, do you? (Disclaimer: please don’t get me wrong, my kids have received some wonderful books and toys that stand the test of time from their grandparents and family. This is not the stuff I am referring to.)
Anyway. After I came out of the toddler and baby fog,( which was around when max turned 3 1/2) I started to get a grip. Managing all that stuff on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis is an utter total time suck.
This past June, during a week after school was out and being stuck inside by endless rain, I had a moment of clarity.
Time to get rid of sh*t.
Over the next few days, the kids and I went on a rampage, dumping out every toy bin. Matching pieces to sets of whatever. Filling bags and boxes with all that stuff they never play with anymore. Clothes. Itemizing for the write off. (My husband would never let it go without getting a write off!) Of course when the kids said that certain items meant too much to give away, I respected that. But you wouldn’t believe how much got cleaned out of this house. The kids loved how much space there now was in their rooms. And they never, ever missed anything we gave away. Not once did they bring it up. Now, here was the most surprising thing about it all:
The toys that they kept were now being played with all the time that summer, with a renewed interest and zeal. I loved how they rediscovered toys that had been buried under other less interesting toys and forgotten. I pointed it out to them, to try and drive home the fact that sometimes less is more, and that more is not always better.
It felt like I was finally able to exhale after years of holding my breath. Relief.
Flotsam and jetsam. I like that term, it applies to what a mom must manage ten-fold. All that STUFF that comes home with your kids. The goodie bags from parties. (I stopped giving out goodie bags a few years ago. I don’t want to add to someone else’s flotsam and jetsam). All those freebie pencils with the CRAPPY erasers that do not do their job. Junk from the cereal boxes that they fight over. (Really? A spoon that lights up every time you take a bite? We need that why?) It takes over your house. It clogs up drawers and floors and under the bed. The floor of your car. It’s the stuff you step on in the middle of the night running into your kids room as they cry out for you and feels like you stepped on a tack. Or – the worst! – the stuff the kids step on in the middle of the night shuffling off to the toilet and they start howling. That will ruin your sleep for sure.You get the point. It is the stuff that you go to throw out and if the kids catch you doing it they are upset, indignant – you’re throwing out my stuff?? You have to do it when they aren’t looking. And they never miss it! I have never had a kid come looking for their…whatever it was I got rid of.
Here’s one of those thing in particular that I truly despise. Toys from fast food places. (Live Green Mom, you take your kids to fast food places? Look, I said it was a struggle and I’m working on myself! Slack, please.) There are times you gotta take them to get food and you gotta do it fast. We all know the ones we take them to.
I hate the toys in the Jolly Meals (I’m just calling it that, you know what meal I’m dissing here). I hate Jolly Meals because they hand you food in a cardboard box that you walk a few feet with to a table, sit down and start disbursing who gets what, eat, then – walk a few feet over to the trash and throw it away. I take the boxes home and recycle them if they didn’t get any food on them (you cannot recycle cardboard that has been contaminated by food) or ask the guy at the counter, if I’m quick enough, to NOT put the meals in the boxes. Puzzled looks but they comply.
And I hate the toys that come with them. Some of the most useless toys ever. And because kids demand instant entertainment, (they have been conditioned, they know what to expect from these toys) most of them make a blip, a beep, or light up in some way. And now you are faced with - how are you planning on recycling that thing? It has some sort of electronic or light up thingy in it. You cannot just toss it in your recycle bin. Are you keeping a box of electronics to recycle responsibly, and you just toss it in there? That is what I do. My town offers electronics recycling once a month but you have to pay extra for it and it’s limited, what you can bring.
So about, oh, not quite two years ago I started to…wait for it…request that we DO NOT GET A TOY when I ordered.
Did you gasp? Because that is what the folks at the counter did. (it wasn’t a loud gasp but still…) Not just the people taking my order but the moms in line. My kids getting sympathetic looks from other kids. I am not kidding here, this was major. And can you just imagine the cry and hue I got from my kids? The whaling and gnashing of teeth. How dare I deny these kids a free toy? One guaranteed to satisfy? (I have also gotten the ‘But it’s free! Why not take it?” argument but then I say it is one more thing I have to be responsible for, I have enough, thank you) You thought I got puzzled looks when I ask them not to put it in a box you can just see it in your head, they looks exchanged by the guys behind the counter accompanied by a small shrug as they call out:
“I need a Jolly Meal one hamburger NOTHING on it one apple side caramel sauce one chocolate milk NO BOX NO TOY!”
Like a ripple effect people craning their necks to see who is the mean, cruel mom. That would be me. Heaven forbid I am in total frumpy mode wearing a doo-rag on my head. Then its: “oh, one of those moms”. (Note: I’m not one of those moms, if I were I wouldn’t even be in there getting a Jolly meal.)
Please. I will admit that occasionally between big Hollywood mega action films providing the inspiration for these toys, they have their back up filler toys. And the ones like the tiny Beanie Babies, my kids LOVE them and can play with them endlessly. The stories they come up with, especially Sophie, the towns they build for them with tissue boxes and Lincoln Logs. They take these toys in the car and play together with them. These toys I don’t mind at all and will happily let them have. And they don’t hurt to step on them.
It took a while and many disappointed Jolly Meals for my kids to get over this. But they did get past it. they don’t make a fuss over it anymore, not really. They still ask for the toy, and after I take a look at what is being offered, I say yes or no. Usually no. Sometimes, I give in, because they have been really good that day or I’m with another family and don’t want a big scene (“why do they get the toy and I don’t?”). Earlier this year we were headed there for a meal and Sophie really really wanted the toy. She didn’t even know what the toy was. She begged and pleaded. I gave in. I don’t know why. I’m not perfect. But the big movie out was Monsters VS Aliens. She got her toy and ripped it open to find a red plastic blob of a character from the movie, I think it is the giant caterpillar, and it made a s-c-r-e-e-c-h-i-n-g noise. It was so nondescript, useless and utter landfill. We both saw it for what it was right away. She burst into tears, threw it on the floor and screamed about what a horrible toy it was and how mad she was for getting that toy. What she was really mad about, I think, was that she knew I don’t give in often and she used her card up on that hard plastic blob instead of a better toy at another time I might have said no to.
Hard lesson, kid. I’m not heartless but I have a job to do here and I clearly have my work cut out for me.
*UPDATED on October 28, 2011* This small change in our family was a good one that stuck. We hardly ever, ever go into McDonalds or other fast food places unless it’s as a last resort. And when we do, my kids will say “It doesn’t taste as good as I thought it would”. My kids don’t even think to ask about the toy anymore, either. This wasn’t that hard to implement, so give it a try. You might be surprised!
