Stuff – Black Friday 2010
Written by Helga
Friday, 26 November 2010 02:52
This is a repost, here is the original post from December 2009. I have edited it to reflect where we are now with all of our stuff.
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
George Carlin.
Stuff. It fills our lives right up to the edge. Think about all the stuff you have. Especially as a parent. You have the stuff you need and then there is the rest of it. We are so guilty of it, and by we I mean me and my husband. We aren’t the type to just shop and fill our spaces, but when you have children, and you have friends & family, stuff just flows your way. We have a house filled with stuff and we have a barn filled with stuff. Stuff we need and stuff we don’t. But we have gotten better about weeding through it all over the past few years, whittling it down. Making donations twice a year. But it can take over your life if you let it.
Like many of you out there, there is the stuff you have been dragging with you since you left college. Then you get married, and your stuff gets married. Then your parents upgrade their stuff and pass on their old stuff to you, which might be a hair nicer than what you had, so you take it. Then you start to run out of room and you either gotta give stuff away or buy a bigger house.
We bought a roomy & very old – 1860′s Victorian – house on an acre in 1999, because the thought was we would never buy again. (My husband actually factored in how much we would save by NOT having to move, say, 3 more times, into the cost of this home to convince me to take the plunge) And that still holds true. We are here to stay. Now that we have kids, it fits perfectly. But it seemed so empty in the beginning, not alot of stuff, and I loved that. But parents and family want to buy you housewarming gifts. Grandparents move on to assisted living and leave you furniture, paintings, more dishes. But you keep it (mostly!) under control.
And then comes the kids. There is no more control. We had three different strollers (gifts! all of them!) for our first, born the summer of 2001. Three! My husband and I had gotten used to living in a streamlined, clean, uncluttered home for two years before my daughter was born. By the time she was one I was getting a little frantic. The first grandchild and great-grandchild, of course she is going to get a slew of her own stuff. But now I have to try and keep it in check along with my stuff. I kept it together…until…my next kid came along.
Max was born in early 2004. That’s when it all fell apart. I couldn’t keep it together having to breast feed all night my ravenous baby boy, as well as deal with a toddler suffering from sleep apnea. Turned out my girl had seriously enlarged adenoids and tonsils which resulted in breathing problems, thus keeping her from sleeping. She would wake up repeatedly throughout the night until we found out what the problem was and got them removed when she was 3 1/2. And I thought it was just bad parenting skills!
So we got even more stuff. It is in the grandparent, friend and family DNA to give a child a gift. And even when you try and explain that you don’t need so much, stuff gets passed down from one kid to the next,they don’t always understand. How can you deny a grandparent the right to buy this child a gift? Our parents just threw everything in the garbage when they were done with it. I don’t know anybody who donated anything when I was growing up, do you? (Disclaimer: please don’t get me wrong, my kids have received some wonderful books and toys that stand the test of time from their grandparents and family. This is not the stuff I am referring to.)
Anyway. After I came out of the toddler and baby fog, (which was around when max turned 3 1/2) I started to get a grip. Managing all that stuff on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis is an utter total time suck.
Then, in June 2009, during a week after school was out and being stuck inside by endless rain, I had a moment of clarity.
Time to get rid of shit.
Over the next few days, the kids and I went on a rampage, dumping out every toy bin. Matching pieces to sets of whatever. Filling bags and boxes with all that stuff they never play with anymore. Clothes. Itemizing for the write off. (My husband would never let it go without getting a write off!) Of course when the kids said that certain items meant too much to give away, I respected that. But you wouldn’t believe how much got cleaned out of this house. The kids loved how much space there now was in their rooms. And they never, ever missed anything we gave away. Not once did they bring it up. Now, here was the most surprising thing about it all:
The toys that they kept were now being played with all the time that summer, with a renewed interest and zeal. I loved how they rediscovered toys that had been buried under other less interesting toys and forgotten. I pointed it out to them, to try and drive home the fact that sometimes less is more, and that more is not always better. You know what else they loved? The extra space in their rooms to play with their stuff. And less stuff = less to clean up.
It felt like I was finally able to exhale after years of holding my breath. Relief.
We now do this about three times a year. Great way to keep stuff moving in a timely matter to charities, clothes for the right season, for example. (My kids even came to me the other day with a laundry basket of toys they were ready to donate without even being asked to do so, but lest you think it is because my children walk this earth with a halo over their heads, it is actually because Hanukkah is coming up and they wanted to make room for the next wave of stuff. At least they were honest.)
Now, on Black Friday 2010, I watch people on the news get in line to buy more stuff. I understand, it is the holidays, and people buy gifts, and they get really good deals. (I am all about a good deal!) I have to say that I HATE the fact that some stores opened on Thanksgiving – I’m talking to you, Old Navy, Sears, Walmart Supercenters, K Mart, and Toys R Us, among others. Isn’t 3 or 4 am on Black Friday enough? (My family in Germany just shakes their heads at all this shopping hullabaloo) And who can forget the Walmart employee that died on Black Friday 2008 as shoppers who had been waiting all night for the doors to open stampeded right over him?
No, I am not saying I’m above it all, or better than others, not doing the shopping thing. I just get overwhelmed easily. I do not go out of my way to buy gifts for my kids at Hanukkah (but my husband does get them a couple of things) because family & in-laws provide more than enough, Plus, I like to point out to the kids at different times of the year when they receive something, that is a gift, just at different times of the year. I took them to Germany for three weeks this past summer to be with their grandparents over there, that’s a gift.
I am just trying to instill an awareness about the subject, the whole what we need versus the what we want, how not to confuse the two, and how to be satisfied with what seems like less when all the other kids around you have more.
It is not easy.
13 Comments
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Not me! (Great post, Mama) RT @LiveGreenMom Stuff – who needs more stuff? http://bit.ly/icj8At
Stuff – who needs more stuff? http://bit.ly/icj8At
Stuff – who needs more stuff? Not me! http://bit.ly/icj8At
http://bit.ly/icj8At Take my stuff…please!
http://bit.ly/icj8At I've got some excess STUFF, if you are looking to manage more of it…
RT @LiveGreenMom: http://bit.ly/icj8At I've got some excess STUFF, if you are looking to manage more of it…
How was your Thanksgiving? Are you stuffed? Never fear, Live Green Mom is here to help us figure out what to do… http://fb.me/Kau0Bizk
http://bit.ly/icj8At Why I don't DO Black Friday
RT @LiveGreenMom: http://bit.ly/icj8At Stuff. I don't need any more of it to manage.
http://bit.ly/icj8At Stuff. I don't need any more of it to manage.
Wow, I can so relate to this article. We were busting at the seams when our children were babies. The past year I have been working on getting rid of stuff, tons of it.
I agree, it saddens me that a holiday that brings family and friends together with the intention of gratitude is joined with Black Friday. It would be nice if retailers at least waited for the weekend.
Lisa
http://www.smartmamas.wordpress.com
It gets overwhelming, doesn’t it? I’m on a constant tear to get rid of stuff. I know it tires my family out sometimes, but they appreciate it later on. Thanks for stopping by, my fellow Texan!
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