Stuff.
Written by Helga
Wednesday, 30 December 2009 10:47
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
George Carlin.
My previous post “No box! No toy!” is the perfect lead into this next subject. Stuff. It fills our lives right up to the edge. Think about all the stuff you have. Especially as a parent. You have the stuff you need and then there is the rest of it. We are so guilty of it, and by we I mean me and my husband. We aren’t the type to just shop and fill our spaces, but when you have children, friends & family stuff just flows your way. We have a house filled with stuff and we have a barn filled with stuff. Stuff we need and stuff we don’t. But we have gotten better about weeding through it all over the past few years, whittling it down. Making donations twice a year. But it can take over your life if you let it.
Like many of you out there, there is the stuff you have been dragging with you since you left college. Then you get married, and your stuff gets married. Then your parents upgrade their stuff and pass on their old stuff to you, which might be a hair nicer than what you had, so you take it. Then you start to run out of room and you either gotta give stuff away or buy a bigger house.
We bought a big and very old – 1860′s Victorian – house on an acre when we were 29, in 1999, because the thought was we would never buy again. (My husband actually factored in how much we would save by NOT having to move, say, 3 more times, into the cost of this home to convince me to take the plunge) And that still holds true. We are here to stay. Now that we have kids, it fits perfectly. But it seemed so empty in the beginning, not alot of stuff, and I loved that. But parents and family want to buy you housewarming gifts. Grandparents move on to assisted living and leave you furniture, paintings, more dishes. But you keep it under control.
And then comes the kids. There is no more control. We had three different strollers for our first, born the summer of 2001. Three! My husband and I had gotten used to living in a streamlined, clean, uncluttered home for two years before Sophie. By the time she was one I was getting a little frantic. The first grandchild and great-grandchild, of course she is going to get a slew of her own stuff. But now I have to try and keep it in check along with my stuff. I kept it together…until…
Max was born in early 2004. Then it all fell apart. I couldn’t keep it together having to breast feed all night my ravenous baby boy, as well as deal with a toddler suffering from sleep apnea. Turned out Sophie had seriously enlarged adenoids and tonsils which would result in breathing problems, thus keeping her from sleeping. She would wake up repeatedly throughout the night until we found out what the problem was and got them removed when she was 3 1/2. And I thought it was just bad parenting skills!
So we got even more stuff. It is in the grandparent, friend and family DNA to give a child a gift. And even when you try and explain that you don’t need so much, they don’t always understand what the big fat deal is. Our parents just threw everything in the garbage when they were done with it. I don’t know anybody who donated anything when I was growing up, do you? (Disclaimer: please don’t get me wrong, my kids have received some wonderful books and toys that stand the test of time from their grandparents and family. This is not the stuff I am referring to.)
Anyway. After I came out of the toddler and baby fog,( which was around when max turned 3 1/2) I started to get a grip. Managing all that stuff on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis is an utter total time suck.
This past June, during a week after school was out and being stuck inside by endless rain, I had a moment of clarity.
Time to get rid of sh*t.
Over the next few days, the kids and I went on a rampage, dumping out every toy bin. Matching pieces to sets of whatever. Filling bags and boxes with all that stuff they never play with anymore. Clothes. Itemizing for the write off. (My husband would never let it go without getting a write off!) Of course when the kids said that certain items meant too much to give away, I respected that. But you wouldn’t believe how much got cleaned out of this house. The kids loved how much space there now was in their rooms. And they never, ever missed anything we gave away. Not once did they bring it up. Now, here was the most surprising thing about it all:
The toys that they kept were now being played with all the time that summer, with a renewed interest and zeal. I loved how they rediscovered toys that had been buried under other less interesting toys and forgotten. I pointed it out to them, to try and drive home the fact that sometimes less is more, and that more is not always better.
It felt like I was finally able to exhale after years of holding my breath. Relief.
Makes me think of a really great teaching-video by Annie Leonard: http://www.storyofstuff.com. I watched it with my kids and they are taking it seriously!
That’s how we feel too when we do a big clean out. We moved several months ago, and many of the kids’ toys are still in boxes. They miss very, very few of them.
One of the big plans for the new year is to get those cleaned out and the excess sent to charity. My kids have learned how much fun giving can be.
Thanks for taking time out on New Year’s Eve to read my post!
After that big clean out I mentioned I became a little crazy about it and started going through everything in our house. That’s what happens when you have a record breaking streak of rain in June. Feels good, doesn’t it?
This piece really feels EXACTLY how my husband and I are with our “stuff.” In fact we just went through things last weekend. Most of our kids donations now go to Cradles to Crayons and adult stuff to the Goodwill.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like even when I don’t buy stuff, I have too much stuff.
Thank you for your comment! I think my post sums up not only what I have been feeling about all our stuff, but also many of our friends who have had children right along with us. You are not alone. I love to donate, knowing that it can be reused. I love to watch the AmVets truck pull up, load it, and take it away. Good for you guys getting rid of stuff right before Christmas to make room for the inevitable deluge!